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The Kicking Mule

by Street Sects

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    Five color screenprint on Bella Canvas stock.
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  • "The Kicking Mule" Longsleeve Shirt
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1.
sky runs out innocence runs out Beggar, the city rejects you Its half a matter of income, and half a matter of not fitting in  Always the one who gets shot down  Tapping out in the second round when you could have made it by now  But you're always out there fucking around  All in the game  Five hundred to play  Push it from your brain and don’t feel bad about it  Caught in the fade Slide under the weight, the depth, the overwhelming hold You’re barely there Fog on the mirror you’re barely there thumb back the hammer defined by your lies, remain still stuck between giving up and committing one final crime your mother must be proud  paradise, one way street if only you were the fool you pretend to be all in the game, five hundred to play stick it in your vein and don’t think twice about it caught in the fade hand over the claim, the debt the door has closed you are alone all in the game, climb under and stay the only way you leave is if you turn out the light no one to blame there’s no need to make amends there’s no one left  it’s over
2.
In my haste I squandered a century a childhood gone In my failures I make up for it I found a god in your drawer the pages just like new the pages almost just like skin break another window make a fist and then relax she was gone a little longer than you cared for and you just had to set her straight didn’t you? you make me sick there’s nothing you could say to put it back in place the trailer isn’t there “The Dance” isn’t playing In our haste we murdered a family it all went wrong But in our failures we make up for it
3.
3 am and they’re at your door your chest feels like it’s collapsing coked out in your uniform one hand on your service weapon   they will kill you for what you owe so show them what you’re made of   you taste death, love and rejection take a breath high off the action everyone fucks it up it’s all distraction someone else cleans it up it’s all redacted now   back on the job there’s something not quite intact                        your sources aren’t even flexing the dope is all second hand you wonder who they’re protecting   there’s a file with your name attached is that what you’re afraid of?   you taste death lies and corruption take what’s left it’s better than nothing everyone gets a cut it’s off the record maybe you’ve had enough collect your pension twenty four hundred miles no extradition liquid and versatile beyond conviction now
4.
This cage was meant to be torn apart so why maintain it This life means nothing to me at all so why take the risk why force my hand your place is there with your own kind there’s more to lust than a finite desire my plans will fall apart on their own I don’t need you for that I promise, I can fuck this up just fine I used to think I’d change your mind I used to think You’d save my life I won’t be missed I won’t be mourned No one’s looking at you now You are on your own In fact I’m already dead but lights still flicker overhead a few less cops in this town but in the end it just took one to put me down so what do you think it’s worth the gift of life, the joy of birth well, it’s a little less than I’d hoped disappointed to find no deeper meaning to the joke
5.
When I was young, I had no ambition No lust, no drive. I was living fiction Fifteen and fucked, I was so ungrateful Sixteen and sunk, I was ready to give up But instead I just drank up I felt good when I drank I felt like I was alive I felt strong for the first time I felt at home in my own skin Up until I fell down on my fears Fell down, for fifteen years I know I wasted half my life drunk on doubt and now I’ll do without       woke up in cuffs, no idea what happened head torn to shreds, lips completely blackened No bail required, I was barely processed As I walked home, the sun hung above my head and I felt scared tired and ashamed I knew I couldn’t outrun it anymore And yet I kept on Up until I fell down on my fears Fell down, for fifteen years I know I wasted half my life drunk on doubt and now I’ll do without     now that I have some distance now that I’m clean, I feel like I can have friends but then again I think I’ll do without
6.
picture the contents of your swollen skull splattered across your front door, I know life only demeans, only degrades you falling asleep only delays it for so long then, there you are back on shit street with a bag on your head and a gun in your hand suffering in silence my burden is I have failed to keep you down look at you trying so hard to feel alive one door closes given the fact you’re still here drawing breath given the fact that each year gets harder you’re hoping for truth, hoping for relevance yellow and blue, the last time you fell you realized you’re home bathed in neon behind the eight ball again no one cares now I have failed to keep you down look at you trying so hard to feel alive one more rejection and one by one your virtues slip away you feel cold and dejected but nothing hurts you now nothing makes you ashamed now one door opens
7.
Yesterday Yesterday I looked around I found out My mistakes Cost me everything I had Now I know Don't ever get comfortable Never get too attached Never get close Don't hold on Don't ever let anyone Let you believe that you're Anything more Than a failure In between defeats I was on my way To somewhere I called home Then i realized there's no such place Stop reaching out Stop here and lay back down Dont get up Stop letting yourself believe You deserve anything Other than what You have earned Stop- I thought I could keep everything I could be anyone Look at me now I’m a failure Still between defeats I was on my way Walking down the street I have paid for all of my crimes but I haven't paid for her I will pay for it now But let me tell you first You're in for a world of hurt Stop reaching out Everyone Lets you down Stop reaching out Everyone you love Lets you down Stop reaching out Lie back down Don’t get up
8.
Cracked in half under the overpass caught my breath blankets strewn behind a shopping cart saw my bed my pleasure comes first, it’s always been that way but first thing tomorrow I plan to change Tried to flush my sense of self away but here I am I would kill just to be like you nobody touches you, nothing gets through conscience never seems to bother you life goes on well if you want your money’s worth then open up your mouth but if you want to keep that face then don’t come back There’s not enough glue to keep the pins in place There isn’t any point in suffering for something you hate I got a dose of the bottom and looked away I got a taste of the real thing and grabbed it with both hands But I’d kill just to be like you nobody touches you, nothing gets through Living never seems to bother you You’re not like us
9.
most of us waste it burn through it early no concept of pacing   pulp on the rim of the glass blood on the back of her skirt Gave my statement, said “I don’t recall” washed my hands then followed her home   At my best I’m barely hanging on At my best I’m barely holding up the wall I belong on the run but I don’t think I should go anywhere I don’t think I should play that card after all it’s her fault we almost got caught A bar up in Irving where fourteen people were shot A dragon on the wall   At my worst I’m full of sentiment At my worst I carry most of it around in my head and my heart So I focus on my work, not my loss I concentrate on moving on and I know you’ll appear and when you appear I’ll be gone and she’ll be in the clear the work will all be done   glass in the tread of a tire bone peeking out through the skin swift transition, it’s nothing at all follow the money next time   most of us fake it work through it later no concept of struggle no concept of value
10.
The Drifter 04:20
these are the best years of my life drifting away from anger passive and eager to submit I will do anything you want   You can bury me alive I’ll bring the shovel You can bury me alive   once I was violent and possessed I was a ticking time bomb took me a long time to admit I was a worthless piece of shit   You can bury me alive I’ll do the digging You can bury me alive You can cover me with soil You can bury me alive   looking back on all I’ve done I enjoyed those final moments when the light would leave their eyes I would do it all over again   you can bury me alive you can cover me with soil you can bury me alive

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released October 26, 2018

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Street Sects Austin, Texas

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